The darkness has already begun to creep in. November has arrived and now sends the sun to bed early every night. We barely see each other anymore. The cold winds, the prophets of winter, seem unmoved as they deliver the news that autumn is dead. Such external elements expedite the process of my self-alienation from the outside world. My willful withdrawal from society leaves me no place to go but inside of myself. It is a very unsettling place to be. The ground here is very unstable and i feel like it could give way at any second. From my bedroom window, i can see the busy streets and the sea of break lights from the cars passing in the distance, but distance is all know anything about. I used to be able to see the crest of the waves glistening in the moonlight. Now the ocean sits so dark and still that i can’t even tell where it ends and the night sky begins. Something has threaded them together to create an unabridged blanket of darkness. Several times today, i was so close to getting out of bed, but despair can be very convincing when it has you by the throat. All i can do is helplessly wait for something inside of me to rise in an unlikely coup de tat and overthrow myself. It is so tiresome to go to bed before the sun rises and wake up after it sets. It is so tiresome to sleep all day and still be tired. It is so tiresome to lie in these inescapable coils of emptiness. Hope has such a beautiful face, but she is such an unfaithful lover. Soon, the Christmas lights will line all of the houses on the streets. They are small beacons of happiness that will always be out of reach in this sea of despair. Their bright colors will shine like stars and as the cold air hits me, i will feel like i am in that dark vacuum above the clouds even further away from the world. I will be alone.