“Fabiola” 

The dreams have all broken
and we fell through the cracks
So now you re-write history
and I distort the facts
We fall into our routine
and we don’t miss a beat
You just bitch about everything
and I drink until sleep
Stubborness and pride
make our hearts duck and flinch
and now either we can’t forgive
or just won’t budge an inch
Maybe all of our promises
were just something to say
and maybe emptiness is home
and not a stop on the way

 

 

 

“A Night in June”

 

As you walk into my room
angels scatter in a panic
like crack whores in a drug raid
They cringe in shadows
as not to be seen in your light
For the warmth of your presence
obscures the celestial glow of the blessed
and to stand beside you could evoke a comparison
that would surely clip their wings and crash their spirits
You slowly move overhead and settle upon me
like the clouds outside of my window
I breathe in your breath
as steady waves of your touch
storm my beaches of emotion
The hours that seemed to stand endlessly before us
fall fast and unnoticed like our clothes on the floor
and as the tide of our embrace slowly ebbs
an ever growing sense of covalence
invades my once barren heart
As we fade into sleep
I reach for you in the darkness
Your hand clutches mine
and ghosts of the past stop giving chase
My devotion is no longer their race to win

 

 

 

“16”

 

Standing somewhere between
heaven and helplessness
I thought of you tonight
but then again, I always do
As I stared up at the sky
I saw the sea of tranquility
where you and I used to swim
and talk of things like love, hope
and never never land
but now I realize that sea
is a lot like my heart
For it too is just a barren wasteland of weightlessness
full of cracks and craters
frozen in the darkness
with no sign of life anywhere
I also realize that since I lost you
I no longer dream
I just lie in bed
and long for a time
when I used to lose myself inside of you
Now I just lose myself
in the piles of dirty clothes and unopened mail on my floor
in the messages from creditors on my answering machine
in the hour it takes for me to get to fucking work everyday
and in the emptiness that constantly grows inside of me
Still, sometimes I can’t help but think about “someday”
and what a happy place it would have been
if you and I could have gone there together
but now it’s all just a crack in the moon

“Crash Site”

The remains of our promises
and our emotional baggage
are strewn across the landscape
like charred bodies from a plane crash
I sift through the wreckage
in obvious denial
not wanting to believe
that you’re no longer mine
but as the earth beneath my feet
turns its back on the sun
I turn my back on the prospect
that I’ll ever feel love again
Still, I go out with my friends
and I pretend that I am happy
Yet their smiles just make me
feel more empty and lonely
Now I sit in some dance club
and I’m sipping my drink
but the whole time I am thinking
that I just want you back
So when I get home I’ll call you
and you’ll say that I should not have
and then I’ll feel like shit
all over again

 

“The Epiphany”

It’s the 6th of January
and all along Mass. Ave.
the discarded skeletons of evergreen
lie defeated among the weekly refuse
It’s hard to believe that a few days ago
they stood so tall and proud
in the center of attention
adorned in lights, love,
and a warm feeling of permanence
Now broken branches and scattered pine needles
must face the cold wind and dark truth
that nothing lasts forever
For now they are only noticed
when they cause a passer by to alter his path
Tomorrow, a hearse to lift their lifeless frames
will come in the form of a garbage truck
As I make my way home from work
I stop and look closely at one of the dead
and I am taken aback
as I see my reflection in the unpleasant sap

 

“Napoleon”

While January’s speaking
with words that freeze the ground
the sun heads west with promises to keep
and my heart grows cold and heavy
as the night sky settles in
It seems winter has a way
of crushing every dream
I sit alone inside my bedroom
and I stare out at this town
I see the bright streetlights
and the shadows in between
Sometimes they bring a smile
Sometimes they bring a frown
but tonight they bring a sadness
that I can’t explain
And as the snow begins to fall
the darkness penetrates my bones
just as my lover’s absence
penetrates my heart
For in her eyes I saw my savior
and in her arms I found my soul
but somewhere in her decisions
I lost everything
So now the night has fallen silent
and somewhere deep beneath the snow
my hopes and wishes
rest in unmarked graves
but like French soldiers who froze solid
on some past Russian battlefield
I never thought to quit
while I was still ahead

 

“Crush”

In the depths of her eyes
In the depths of her beauty
I got lost in a moment
I got lost in a crush
where the seconds seemed like centuries
and we seemed like “something”
and the most misguided of illusions
let my heart feel alive
but reality was her answer
to my never asked question
For the truth in her eyes
left me lost
left me crushed

 

“Untitled”

I fall headlong and helpless
in a thought of your face
and I land in the place
where we crashed and we burned
It’s where our ashes still stand
like the victims of Pompeii
and where my ceiling of emotions
bears a mural of you
Now I curse at your beauty
You are so angelic, divine
and I damn all the words
that allowed us to end
My heart, the bitter Judas
has betrayed my soul
As darkness, the sweet lover
took your place in my bed

 

“December 19”

Nothing means a fucking thing
without you by my side
My soul’s been lost
My heart’s been raped
and my will to live has died
I am falling off the face of the earth
without you by my side
My sleepless nights
just never end
and my ocean of dreams has dried

 

“An unsent letter to Jessica”

You look just like an angel
but you hide just like a child
and the weight of all this silence
is just too much for me to bear
It makes my heart feel like an anchor
that can’t quite catch the bottom
Unaware, I drift aimlessly
until I am completely fucking lost
You know, you used to be the lighthouse
that could guide me through this darkness
and I don’t know what I did
to make that go away
but I can feel that things are changing
and I can’t say for the better
I guess my despair and emptiness
dressed up like hope for Halloween
Still, I have to say
you made me believe in second chances
and all of your smiles and subtle glances
used to make me feel alive
but now you’ve grown so cold and distant
and you respond to all of my questions
with indifferent one word answers
It’s a little more than unfortunate
but it’s how most of these things end

 

“Depression”

Life has knocked me down
but instead of getting up
I keep picking at the scabs
and making myself bleed
I cough up blood and water
in a sea of mediocrity
but I’ve got happy pills and alcohol
as far as the eye can see
Blue foam cubicles and ledger sheets
have made me become claustrophobic
and my hope’s become an angel
but even the best of us pass away
“We can make a difference”
“We can become anything”
but the dream is always greater
than we will ever be

 

“A Girl Named Jesus…or Anna”

Sometimes the air that fills your lungs
just isn’t enough to make you breathe
and that hole you have inside your heart
somehow seems to take command
You search so long for something real
but your resolution is only found
in the pixels that sit before your eyes
You lie in your bed inches from sleep
then all of the thoughts you thought you hid
decide you haven’t cried enough
So tell me now is death your friend
or just another vulture who wants a piece of you?
Will it give you all you ever wanted
or just some welcome respite from all of your pain?
Your collar bones and spine make a perfect cross
to nail a broken spirit to
and your eyes are like two distant stars
whose light and yearning dim with time
Your trust is a ghost that never existed
and your smile is an illusion, just a swift sleight of hand
while your angst is a thief that has stolen your chances
and replaced any hope with an empty, blank stare

 

“The Truth”

I lie with you in bed tonight
I see the way you smile
but please don’t ask me how I feel
because I don’t think I can anymore
Once, you might have meant everything
or anything at all to me
but now I’m broken
I’m dead inside
and emptiness is all that I can give

 

“Julie”

A light fixture sits dark
and a shade of you hangs over
I’ve tried so hard to turn it on
but your outlet’s long been dead
In the bedroom of this winter
a frozen desolation
numbs the sleepless yearning
of worn extremities
My restless heart is aging
It is water stained and leaking
and it bears the emotional scars
that a strawberry birthmark leaves
Self-esteem and I are bleeding
ephemeral, and fleeting
completely still beneath the blankets
in a carbon monoxide bed